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If This Isn't Who You Are, It is Who You Can Be.

it comes naturally to you to be empathetic to others' emotions. You do not agree with everyone's way of looking at things or way of feeling things, but, still, and most importantly, you understand what that other human being is going though.

This is how you have come to have an individualized approach with others, to see their uniqueness and special qualities, and to treat them fairly.

Of course, you have magnetism. You are someone on this planet who, finally, knows  what the other is feeling. Your strength is based on kindness, hence, you are excellent at mitigating conflicts. 

You are forever standing back to gaze at the big picture.  That is always, quite naturally, what you do. Your special way of seeing the interconnection of all things is supremely valuable.

Why give a hoot if others are baffled by your steps. You have an unmistakable strategy for arriving at the longed for destination. You avoid the paths that are boomerangs. You provide clear direction in a...

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Do You Think My Ex Is A Narcissist?

 

Hey there!
I want to answer one of my most frequently asked questions:
Is it worth it for me to learn enlightened coparenting if I am coparenting with a narcissist?

Parents with pathological narcissism tend to engage in behavior that is damaging toward the other parent and children. It is not so much the loss of contact with the child that triggers them as their experience that that person should be available to them and is  not. They experience the loss of what the child provided to them.

These are the characteristics I see in these situations.

See if you recognize any of these characteristics:
Treat child as an extension of themselves, not as a unique individual with their own needs and feelings different from the parents.

Fighting over issues big and small.

Overreaction and drama to imagined slights.

When threatened with the loss of control over their own children, they look to the child to have their own ego needs for love and approval met.


Self absorbed and unresponsive to...

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The Secret to Why Enlightened CoParenting is Such a Powerful Healing for Parents and Children

Uncategorized Feb 08, 2021
 

Just wanted to say Hi and let you know why I so wholeheartedly believe in the Enlightened CoParenting Approach. 

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A Guide for Self Compassion in Mind, Body, Soul, and Relationships

 

Self Compassion Guide

What Does It Mean to Be Self Compassionate?

Through our thoughts and our behavior we treat ourselves with the same care and kindness as we would someone we love and care for. 

Self Compassion involves listening to our needs, rather than primarily focusing on what others want us to do or what the outside world dictates.


Goal for this Self-Compassion Exercise

Become aware of how you show yourself compassion and use this as a starting point for introducing more self-compassion. 


The Physical Component

Allowing your muscles to soften, release the tension from your body.

How do you care for your body?

 

What are some ways in which you could release tension and stress in the physical sense, or what are some techniques that already work?

 

The Mental Component

Not trying to regulate your thoughts, allowing them to come and go.

How do you care for yourself mentally?

How could you allow thoughts to come and go with greater ease: less regulation,...

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When it Comes to a CoParenting Plan, it is all in the Details!

Couples in conflict often feel overwhelmed by the many layers of change they must begin considering when they try to determine whether their marriage can be saved.
 
One belief I share with the many individuals and couples grappling with this tough decision is this:
 
I believe that it is important to have a realistic vision of what life will look like either way, in order to make the best decision possible for you and your children.
 
One of the first issues I ask couples to consider is how they will continue to parent, either while they are working on the marriage or working through a divorce.
 
Parenting in separate homes is a major unknown for most couples who are considering whether they will remain married. I have created a checklist that helps parents consider all of the important details they will need to consider and come to agreement upon. It is called the Parenting Plan Essentials Checklist and you can download it from the link.
 
...
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Waking Up To The Relationship Patterns that Serve You No Longer

"One of the hardest parts of healing from past relationships, is learning to trust ourselves again."

When we subconsciously play out patterns in adult relationships that we learned from growing up in our families of origin, subconsciously hoping to heal the pain from those early days, and these adult relationships have led to heartbreak and pain - it makes us afraid to trust ourselves again.

Do you remember the last time you felt certain that you were doing what was best for you?

After a painful break-up we have an enormous opportunity to dive deeper into connection with our authentic selves  and regain trust in ourselves. 

How can we learn to trust ourselves again?

Through forgiveness and self-compassion.

Remember that every path you’ve walked, every choice you’ve made has provided you lessons that you can now use here, now, today!

The amazing fact that you notice your doubt in yourself means you are in the process of waking up to the patterns that are no...

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How Family and Friends Stoke the Flames of Conflict for Coparents after Divorce

New Research finds that when parents perceive that friends & family blame their ex-partner for transgressions and speak negatively about the ex-partner, it is harder for those parents to forgive the other parent.
 
If you are holding your breath waiting for the conflict to finally end, consider the holding on that is stoked by friends and family.
 
Blaming on their part may be one factor that contributes to maintaining & escalating of conflicts between divorced parents.
 
I am here to help. Get my Free Workbook on Promoting Positive Self-esteem in Children of Divorce here:
 
High conflict parents, often struggling themselves to tilt the ship right, underestimate the effects of their conflicts on children and children's self-esteem. Putting to use the steps in the workbook does not require you engage in any way with your ex. They are parenting prompts that can be utilized with children of...
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What subconscious commitments sabotage your coparenting plan?

Sometimes a story comes along that resonates on so many levels, I've got to share it.

"She": senior vice-president for an enterprise software company, who went from virtual assistant to her current position in 3 years.

"He": thriving entrepreneur who built his pool construction firm to over 7 figures.

They have 2 sons.  The oldest son is the attacking midfielder for the state’s most prestigious high school soccer club (“Soccer Son”). The youngest is a scholar who tackles math with the vigor of Christopher Langan ("Scholar Son").

(I had no idea who Christopher Langan was until I overheard 2 men chuckling in line at Starbucks and, in need of a little humor, listened in. Why were they chuckling? I didn't get it.  I did learn that Langan’s IQ is, according to these 2 chucklers, estimated to be between 195 and 210, and he has been deemed the greatest math genius alive….of course I wouldn’t know or get their humor; 1 thing I...
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Divorce Does Not Mean Failure For You or Unhappiness For Your Children

 

Ideas about Marriage were passed down to us from the generations of family before us. 

 

Some say divorce is a sign of failure, or being a quitter, a lack of commitment and courage.  

 

You know that is not true. 

 

Divorce does not mean failure. 

 

 CoParenting does not mean an unhappy childhood. 

Enlightened CoParenting is a method that enables you and your children to emerge from divorce happy and whole.

Self-Esteem is one ingredient we can increase in children to contribute to their well-being.  While it is just one element it is an important one.  That is why I created this FREE resource: Promoting Positive Self-Esteem In Children After Divorce Packet and Journal. Do check it out because it includes simple strategies to start making a difference in your child's life today.

 

Many different things have brought you to this crossroads  

 

A holistic understanding of our lives over time...

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How to Promote Positive Self Esteem in Your Teens After Divorce

The topic of how to promote positive self esteem in teens after parents divorce is one my clients bring up often.

 

The teen years are complex and nearly all parents have had some concern at one time or another about their teen’s well-being.  This concern increases when teens are living through a parent’s divorce. Parents worry they have added additional stressors to an already intense transition period making it harder for their teen to cope.

 

There has been quite a bit of research over the past decade into depression and suicidal behavior among adolescents. This research has uncovered evidence of a relationship between self-esteem, hopelessness, and loneliness and it's relationship with depression and suicide attempt behavior in teens.

These studies suggest that we pay careful attention to an adolescent's self-esteem and especially so when they are missing out on the emotional and social support offered by peer and/or family relation-ships which can...

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